Finding a Great Coach
How do you find the right coach for you?
First, ask the prospective coach, “What do you specialize in? What are you best at?”
I often hear, “A great coach does this, and a great coach does that”, as if there’s some generic perfect coach. I don’t believe that. Many coaches will say they can address whatever problem you have when they have no business trying to fix problems they don’t know anything about. Good coaches specialize. Get the right coach for the specific problem.
There are two mistakes executive clients often make in working with a coach. The first, as I’ve said, is getting the wrong coach. The second is to expect that it’s the coach’s responsibility to make you change. It’s not the coach’s job, it’s yours. Too many people think a “celebrity coach” will solve their problems. That’s like thinking you’ll get in shape if you have the world’s best personal trainer.
I have a track record for helping executives change. What am I doing that’s different?
A key thing is, I don’t hold myself up as “coach as expert”. I’m much more “coach as facilitator”. Most of what my clients learn about themselves, they don’t learn from me. They learn from their friends and colleagues and family. Anybody around you can help you change, and they can help you more than an executive coach can.
Let’s say you want to do a better job of listening. Rather than having some coach explain to you how to be a great listener, what you need to do is ask the people around you, “What are some ways I can do a better job of listening to you?” They’re going to give you concrete ideas that relate to them, how they perceive you as a listener, not the generic ideas a coach would give. The real coach isn’t me, it’s the people around you. If you want a better relationship with customers, who needs to be your coach? Your customers. If you want a better relationship with co-workers, who needs to be the coach? Your co-workers.
The outcome I measure is the perception of change. How do my client’s colleagues think he or she is doing? It’s much harder to change people’s perceptions of someone’s behavior than to actually change that behavior.
Let’s say the behavioral problem you want to fix is that you make too many destructive comments. Scenario A - you assume the way to fix it is to tell people you’re going to change and you’ll quit making destructive comments. But the reaction will be skepticisim. And if you have one slip-up six months later, you call some guy in finance an “incompetent bean counter”, it will confirm your colleagues’ perception of you.
Scenario B - you tell people you’re going to change, you quit making destructive comments, and you follow up. After two months, you ask your colleagues, “How am I doing at not making destructive comments?” And they’ll say, “Gee, I don’t think I’ve heard any.” Their skepticism goes down a notch. You check in at four months, then six months. Each time, they confirm you’re doing better. Not only has your behavior changed, most important, their perception of your behavior has also changed. So now, if you slip up with the guy in finance, your colleagues will likely see it as a temporary lapse.
Your approach is to target a problem behavior and change it. Some critics say that’s a flawed approach because it ignores the possibly deep psychological bases of behavior. I don’t agree with that. Therapy is valuable for some types of problems, but it generally isn’t relevant for the behavioral issues I work with.
Virtually everybody I coach has reasons that are “not his fault” that make him behave the way he does. I just tell them, “Let that go. Focus on what you can change.”
When you’re over 50, blaming mom and dad is weak. Can you imagine a CEO sitting down with people and saying, “You know, I make too many destructive comments, and I analyzed why. It’s because of my father”? Forget it!
The message is, “You’re an adult. Grow up! Take responsibility for your behavior.”
It’s much harder to change what people think of your behavior than to actually change that behavior. To change others’ perception of you, first target a problem behavior, tell them you’re going to change, follow up with action, and check your progress with these people at regular intervals. That way, they are made aware of the progress you’ve made.
Life is good.
Marshall
www.MarshallGoldsmithFeedForward.com
Tags: CEO, Coaching, communication, Marshall Goldsmith
October 20th, 2008 at 8:06 pm
[…] Finding a Great Coach Let’s say you want to do a better job of listening. Rather than having some coach explain to you How to be a great listener, what you need to do is ask the people around you, “What are some ways I can do a better job of listening to you … […]
October 21st, 2008 at 10:26 am
[…] Finding a Great Coach Let’s say you want to do a better job of listening. Rather than having some coach explain to you How to be a great listener, what you need to do is ask the people around you, “What are some ways I can do a better job of listening to you … Filed under: Personal Coaching | Tags: Find a Coach You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. […]
October 22nd, 2008 at 2:04 pm
I read your book, it was real great. learned never to add too much value. How would I email you Marshall?
November 20th, 2008 at 9:57 am
This blog on “finding a great coach” really hits close to home. In my HOD 2700 class we focus on how to improve our leadership skills, and one of the main ways we discussed was finding a “feedback buddy” to assess our progress throughout the semester. Without the constant reminder from a “coach” or “feedback buddy” it is difficult to stay on track to improving your leadership capablities. Essentially the idea of having someone constantly give you feedback, and knowing that you will be held accountable (the Hawthorne Effect), is an excellent way to actually make lasting improvements.